Sunday, October 31, 2010

Empire State Of Mind

It was the past that insisted me to write this,
It was the past that woke me up yesterday-telling me your way behind,
It was the past that awaken some old feelings,
It was the past that brought back some pathetic tears,
It was the past that cause this sudden urge to think-really think,


It was mid 2006 when everything started. 

but I'm not going to write more here, If I let myself crouch in my bed under the blanket trying to hide from Misery, stalking the Venom, indulging some kind of imaginary moments with those Songs, I'm so delusional. 
but I'm hurt

with friends who could never understand the pain I'm going through even though it was not well portrayed in my words, actions and expressions. You guys are the people I've known for years, and taking it out on me is the best way, the best solution or should I say; the easiest means of trying to hurt me. Fine, you guys win.

One thing about me, I seldom let it out...Instead I would let it out through works, works, works...
I need stress, pressure, etc


One day I really want to see myself becoming more successful than you, like my friend used to say;

"It's not here (pointing to the heart) but it's all here (pointing to the brain)"

Yeah, it's all the empire state of mind.


Saturday, October 30, 2010

My Bree Week

When most of my friends in overseas are busy writing about what they are going to do during winter, I guess mind would be more on what am I going to do during "Musim Tengkujuh". Cold, windy, rainy....haha..

Here when its Musim Tengkujuh in Kelantan it equals to the end of another semester. Wow, time really pass in just a blink of an eye. What more, with my tight and busy schedule since I've discovered some other sides of me..or should I said my sudden interest.

1) Our selected a few of us to represent our university for a Financing Quiz in Marriot Hotel, Putrajaya which was organized by PNB

to be honest, me and my teamates have no background in financing so what we did was basically spying on others' answers and started guessing which one is closes to our logic mind


2)Not only that, since the new season of Desperate Housewives is on air, I'm dying to watch the season's sneek peek!



3)FB+ing is a must!


4)A few weeks earlier, I've discovered my sudden interest in cinematography..I'm so into video making. I've even have some plans to shoot a 20 minutes short movie project next semester!

My First Video, Production Team


5) Classmates and Birthdays are part of the joys!
Another Birthday Boy!


6) Pranks and Quality time with friends make it better
 Blindfolded Birthday Boy!
Food Village costs more than pride?


7) Participation in some charity work, like teaching primary school students English~that's fun
Me and Kazimah as English Facilitators!


8) The Vermicompost Business is the new direction


ProEco Team; Dayah, Mae, Me (Fert), Faai, Zaty, Zee

9) Leaked copy of my primary years picture!
I got third placing in my class, Me, Naazirah and Say Keong


and of course.......I'm in my Bree Week!
 
Bree Week = lots of study+pressure, lots of housekeeping and high hygienic level..it's all about housekeeping myself for the better me, next semester!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Fert & Triumph

Thank You Iqlima

I don't know why, but I am so in my writing mood now. I spent the whole day wasting my time worrying over the upcoming projects involving green screen shooting and some other things. I sat in my room, thinking, pondering and wondering...how much I've changed these days. I have this attitude; easily distracted and too much anxiety over something. Moments ago, I spent a couple of hours sitting in a table with my friends talking about our lives..years back....to be really honest..here's a confession:

To my dearest Izzaty Iqlima,

Your presence triggers my anxiety and I would later than have doubts in me; regarding my ability and potential..I felt like a loser having you around because you are one impressive yet superb girl. When we switched stories about the past; I adore your talent, leadership, ideas and ability. You are a very daring, outspoken or should I say a true all-rounder. Having you in UMK really motivates me to do better than you. When you questioned my ideas and plan I felt very insecure because I know yours is better than mine.

but then...Thanks...

Your nature cause a sudden urge in me to realise how far am I missing...losing...right now;
here in UMK

Am I a loser when I was chosen to be here in UMK? OMG! Wat da fert happened to me?....I was from MRSM Taiping...one of the prestiges school in Malaysia...I was once a best debater, story-telling champion, tokoh pelajar during my primary years, I was involved with so many things that relate to success!!!!!..What am I now? Why am I losing to nothing at this moment in my life? Am I having a midlife crisis?

You see, I remembered my teacher telling me this;

I see a lot of things in you, potentials and excellency in your future life..

Yeah, that's what they said....but the problem is...I couldnt really see it clearly now...I am very weak..I need my friends and the environment I used to be in to express myself as a winner in most things. Without the environment..here I am....NOTHING!


Dear readers, I know the moment you guys read this..you'll have little thoughts in your minds..What a bragging bitch! Sorry, but I am really at my low point..I'm actually looking at myself falling into a hole of shame and lost but I couldn't do anything...


My warden used to say this:

What actually determine your success? It's you early in the morning..at dawn. How you wake up; first thing in the morning and plan your life? How you arrange them one after another.

This is my theory:

Your life is actually a system, fueled up by the energy of your prayer and positive spirits or thoughts. Surroundings is the key to the theory of positivity..you want a positive output...you need positive input to be more dominant than the negative input..or in other words..

"Tak kisahlah you otai ke ape..rockers ke ape..first thing is..hubungan dengan Allah S.W.T kena betul...kalau nak beribadat sekadar tunjuk-tunjuk, buat kerja sebab nak dapat nama dan pujian, etc...Sorry and paham2 je la"

Yea3x, dats my problem....my relation with my creator is weak..dulu time sekolah I guess I menumpang and take advantage of the positive surrounding...and now...Im adapting to the one im living in now...drifting away from the original track..very weak...no life's principle....

I guess..this is enough

Im taking a break...a  moment to stop, turn back and remeniscene how things were back than and improve myself...

All I can say, it is difficult..but I can do this :)


This was written weeks back, couldn't remember the exact day & date

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