Friday, December 30, 2011


I went back home to Penang to clear my mind and get a few things done.
I'm losing grip of my current life and it is vital to pull em back together.

I really wanna learn something, something huge that could push me back on track..and yes..I did..

It was Allah, He lets me see it.

The khutbah jumaat was awesome. It's about FASSAD = kerosakan. The khatib told us how in this 
current world, we, the human beings are living in fassad; where our minds, thoughts and act are filled with bias judgement and corrupted with khurafat so as lagha`. The khatib explained to us about the factors contributing to this:

#1: Allah is angry and displease with His servants who went against His saying i.e. disobeying Allah
Allah murka dengan hambaNya yang tidak taat padaNya

this is related to what we have done, we took advantage of the benefit and peaceful life that we're leaving in and we forget about our Creator yet we went against Him.

#2: The problem lies in us
Diri kita sendiri

We chose not to do the right thing, we were so caught up in the FUN the world is offering us today that we forget our responsibility. When there's an opportunity to be close to Him, we chose to postpone and distance ourselves. 

#3: Choice of friends
Pilihan sahabat

It's popular isn't it: the analogy between being a friend to a man who sells perfume and a man who make/sell steels.

“Diumpamakan rakan yang soleh dan rakan yang jahat ialah seperti (berkawan) dengan penjual minyak wangi dan tukang besi. Penjual minyak wangi tidak akan mensia-siakan anda, sama ada anda membelinya atau hanya mendapat bau harumannya. Tukang besi pula boleh menyebabkan rumah anda atau baju anda terbakar, atau mendapat bau busuk.”
Hadis al-Bukhari dari Abu Musa al-Asy'ari,

In this current world, we chose to distance ourselves from a friend who visits surau/masjid regularly but we find it fun and cool to hang out with those who are less pious, sporting and fun.

#4: The environment we're leaving in today
Persekitaran kita

the khatib told us, that in life, Islam has told us to have a deep passion in learning and acquiring knowledge. Today, we assume 'knowledge' are the ones we learn in classroom and what was taught on the whiteboard but this is not enough. Learning about Islam (my & our religion) creates stability and a direction towards a more planned and structured yet peaceful life. A simple situtation to test ourselves where are we right now?

There's a ceramah in surau/masjid VS visiting Pesta Pulau Pinang?

theory of positiveness stands here, because when you are among lagha, fun and irresponsible environment you'll adapt and behave like one. Why not choose to attend Majlis Ilmu, which gives us various point of view about life, guides us towards a better and a more devoted connection to Allah. It is this that we'll help us build up from the inside.   

#5: Our Solat
Solat kita

Most of us (Penang Island muslims which are the minorities) chose to neglect this very important responsibility as a muslim. Solat is only carried out in the moment of need and difficulties. Solat is the foundation to our religious value and beliefs. Where does our principle in life stands now? Most of us when we listen to azan we ignore it even though it is a call for muslims to get together in our house and pray, create the positive energy among us. 

and then the khatib shared with us some POV on how to help guide yourselves to the right path. The saying that struck me most is this:

#1: You choose to change your fate

Most of the times, we chose to blame others that our life is a misery. We blamed our creator from creating us this way. If we want a better life, that we have to change, berhijrah. Admit to yourselves that you have a problem, and decide that you wanna change and it's time for you to do so.

#2: Transform your lifestyle

Your solat and sedekah will help make you feel much better and have a firm control of your life. Change how you look at life and how you look at our Islam religion. Be devoted to Allah by performing ibadah and speaking to Him more often when your in the good or bad times.

#3: Your circles

Of course you would be needing a positive example to lead you to the right direction. Approach friends who loves surau/masjid talk to them, exchange ideas and views. Visit surau/masjid and listen to ceramah/kuliah/classes with the aim to learn and have a better grip of your life. the khatib also mentioned:

Kalau ada dok bergaduh2 tu, p la minta maaf..berbaik semula...kita ni golongan minoriti kat Pulau Pinang ni, tok sah dok bergaduh, berhasad dengki. Berbaik sesama saudara seislam kita, berjemaah la mai surau buktikan ukwah islam kita..

Dear readers, I know there will be some of you who will say...apelah Fert ni, bajet baik..pandai sangat ka ilmu agama ni nak post macam ni...Deny it all you want but I know this culture exist among us. 
You see, I'm sorry..
I know where I stand and I admit my weakness. I never thought this content of khutbah jumaat would struck me like this. I have been a very bad muslim. I admit that I am Islam but failed to portray what is being thought to me  and act like one. I know this is because of lacking of knowledge and understanding. That's why I need to post this, it's a reminder for me..maybe if you've known this.... well is good... but for those who's caught up in the same problem as me you don't wanna miss reading is. Give yourself a wake up call.

It's difficult to make a change..that's why I need to start at a slow pace.


Thursday, December 29, 2011

S6E06: When your jantung rasa macam terhenti, jatuh & pecah atas lantai...

I'm back home because I need to clear out my minds.

A very malfunction Fert this semester, is not helping me 
to move forward instead moving backward is all I want.

Damn it.

Well, It's suppose to be an awesome getaway until I received an SMS:

Dr. Kassim minta kamu setelkan semua assignment dgn dia by tomorrow.
Please do contact him rite now. Carry mark anda sgt rendah tq.

KABOOOOSHHHH!!!!! Dah la I tgh down, lagi la...jantung rasa mcm stop jap and jatuh atas lantai
nak pecah pun ada...

OMG, What have I done with my life....I xpnah mcm ni...Where have I put my parents hope
and my responsibility. That was the moment when my bro's face appeared when he told me all 
I need to do in UMK study and get the best result. Because I was so down bila masuk UMK & dapat course pelik kan. Expectation family mestilah tinggi.

So I called Dr. Kassim, and Dr. cakap carry mark saya 17 shj? OMGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
17? This is no good at all...Fert, you've been a bad boy, a very bad boy....
bila nak insaf and sedar ni?

Dear readers, tolonglah doa sama-sama ngan saya minta saya dekat dengan-Nya

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

S6E05: We Malays call it PASRAH

When we got devastated because of dysfunction in love relationship. This is what we do, listen to break up songs. Here's a very awesome song which I can relate and hope it'll bring me closer to my creator. It's just that I'm not Erra Fazira la peeps...Hahaha...

Ingin ku sendiri 

Meniti hari 

Kala sunyi 
Yang melanda sepi 
Alam bisu 
Bagaikan mengerti 
Berakhirnya sebuah memori 
Ingin ku melangkah 
Membawa diri 
Kerna cinta 
Yang dikhianati 
Luka rasa untuk menghadapi 
Pengorbanan tidak dihargai 
Kini aku... Pasrah 
Dengan segalanya 
Kepedihan itu 
Masih terasa 
Apakah salahku 
Apakah dosaku 
Tuhan berilahku petunjukmu 
Redha dengan kehendakmu 
Cukup kali ini 
Kau menyakiti 
Tak usahlah kembali 
Dengan rela hati 
Melepas kau pergi... 
Ingin ku sendiri 
Meniti hari 
Kala sunyi 
Yang melanda sepi 
Alam bisu 
Bagaikan mengerti 
Berakhirnya sebuah memori

Asyik dengar lagu break up maki hamun, payah jugak...lirik ni decent la sket, so aku pun layan...

Monday, December 26, 2011

S6E04: Guilty Pleasure

Hey guys, I dunno what to say but if my mom finds out, I'm so doomed! So doomed!

You peeps know I've not been myself enough these days. I'm goin through a rough passage in my life now..
yea3x I get it you guy've been listening to the same line for the past 3 posts..

This time I'm bringin in Frankie and FRENS!! Hahaha..the true guilty pleasure!

We went out today to have fun so that I can forget the pain I'm going can be a therapy for dudes too y'all.


#1: Buy yourself Strawberry marshmallow cheesecake, crazy choc & blueberry cheesecake at Secret Recipe and eat em like a pig

#2: Try out something unusual, like trying out a red skinny pants in Brand Outlet
(or you can just buy em if you're chinese enough)

 we bought RM150 worth skinny jeans n tees

#3: Sympathize a disable cat 
(Kesian la kat kucing2 OKU, this cat actually ran towards us sebab nak lintas sekali, it's disabled
one front leg seemed retard)

#4: Go to Wakaf Che Yeh and hope you'll get laid

#5: McDonalized your life!

and of course you'll be needing a Guest Star like this superb yet awesome Frankie to help you get through a painful divorce! Hahahaha....

Till then peeps..


Sunday, December 25, 2011

S6E03: Cleaning Up!

This is one of the worst semester. Waking up in a pile of clothes, limited moving space per student, and yea probs+probs+probs+stress+f**ked up life = No more Bree week.

What's a Bree Week?

According to Doc Fert Hunt Salvatore, a specialist in dusting and stressing out - Bree Week can be defined as 7 days of working my our ass of to keep up a good hygienic level and a proper yet decent life.

So while listening to Moves Like Jagger, I googled "Cleaning Up":

and here goes a very good reason for you to plan your daily life a create a check list specially for cleaning up something like a duty roaster:

Top 10 Reasons to You’ll Love Using Let’s Clean Up Checklist!

1.  Don't spend another moment thinking about your cleaning schedule. 
You already have enough to keep track of without trying to figure out which chores need doing.

2.  Your kids will be more cooperative. 
Ask most kids to clean their room, and you’re likely to get a whole lot of complaining and not nearly enough cooperation. This part is kinda tricky, me no have babies....

3.  You'll know when you’re done.

4.  Your life will be easier if you stop being a "binge" cleaner.
A binge cleaner when you only clean because of some emotional occasion, this is me. Every single time I felt  super hurt, I'll start cleaning

5.  You'll be able to stop nagging your spouse and your kids about cleaning.

6.  Family members will understand exactly what they need to do.
Yea with the checklist written (something like duty roasters you can guide everyone in the house and remind them about what they should do.

7.  Reduce allergy symptoms.

8.  You’ll never be faced with an overwhelming list of chores again.
Consistency is the key to success I bet :)

9.  You won’t have to worry about what visitors think when they come to your home.
Yea, when people came into my room, look at my place mesti diorang tempat YDP camni ke? Bla3x...
The place condition reflects the state of mind of that person

10. Your home will be a more attractive and comfortable place in which to live.
I envy Asyraf Hanafi's place, dah macam hotel room dah..ngan lampu study nye...haih~

That's it for today, UMK peeps jangan lupa study and pray for our success..finals next week!


S6E02: Renee Perry in da HOUSE!!

It's time for me to bring in a guest star which I love and adore.

On this special post, I'm bringin in Vanessa Williams who plays Renee Perry in Desperate Housewives.

To those who's always stuck up in a miserable love relationship you just got to read these quotes,
its from Renee:

#1: Confident
"Well, a beautiful, classy woman who can get a 
man without leaving the house...I don't see us being friends." 

#2: Honest

"If I never tell Lynette what happened, then my 
friendship with her is not real."

#3: Sarcastic
"I suppose it is a time to be thankful. And I'm thankful I'm not her."

#4: Funny
"I haven't celebrated my birthday since the third time I turned 28."

#5: A Natural
"If he doesn't appreciate what he's got..I will find someone who does."

These quotes are applicable to anyone...anytime, you just need to suite 'em to your condition/case. The message this amazing character is trying to send is that life has a lot to offer. Sometimes you might find yourself caught up is a one-way relationship or your partner is not responding exactly how special relationship should work than you know that there's a problem. Sometimes you might come across answers such as "I'm not ready", "I'm not sure how I felt about you"..oh crap..when you're in love everything will be spontaneous..from having zero knowledge about love to yeah, I know what to do in a relationship. So if this happen, you know its a one-way. If you're persistent enough fight till you get what you want and a lot of suffering will take a place, if you're a vice's better to admit that you're hot and you can do way better with a two-way relationship. Thank goodness they brought her in the last two season. She spice things up in Desperate Housewives. Loves you Renee! 

Saturday, December 24, 2011

S6E01: Moving On...

It's funny how things are,
It's funny how things turn out to be,
It's funny how you try to deal with 'em.


that's a cover+up word, I'm sure you guys know that. That's what most of us do to survive and cope with
whatever life puts us through. Suffering from the inside but all perfect from the outside. Let it be one hell of a day or a day in heaven we all pretend hoping to portray the best image of ourselves.

My life is always in a big mess. I screw up most of the times, do irresponsible and yea 'funny' things too.
That's the complicity of being a homosapien..err..I mean being Fert.

My President year is almost over, I have this partial satisfaction on the things I've contributed to my friends
and university. Coffee with Prof, PERMATA Award, Consultation Meetings, Online Management System and yea all the speeches to open up everyone minds and inject a little spirit and motivation so as catering to welfare issues is still not enough. Couldn't imagine how am I gonna start my life not being important anymore. On top of that, I've got this huge problem with my love life this semester. Everything at once and KABOOSH I'm so going down.

When this happen, we have no other options left but to


So here are some tips on how to be a 'fake':

#1: Start with imagining yourself putting all your emotions in a box (like what Jeren drew up here)

#2: Put on the best honest smile you have and open your eyes wide
(*only if you're chinese then forget the eyes part)

#3: Stand straight and take a deep breath

#4: Pretend as if your acting in a famous television series
(Renee/Bree from DH, Santana from Glee, Megan Hunt from Body Of Proof, 
Stefan & Damon from Vampire Diaries or Barney Stinson from HIMYM)

#5: Throw in some innocent jokes and spontaneous compliments in your conversations
(this is the art of distraction, if someone asked you something you don't wanna dwell at the moment)

Just give these tips a try and see if things work out..

Saturday, December 3, 2011

S5E05: How should things end?

F.S.D Season 5 is the worst season I would say, I seldom update my blog and yea my life is hell of a mess this semester. I'm caught up with a huge responsibility which I think I have totally failed in fulfilling it.

My love life?
Very pathetic I tell you..hahaha

Never ever fell in love with the right person, now and before? Yup. Never.

Been played always.  

Fert,'re a freaking stupid dumb ass. You restrict yourself from letting your heart melt the pass 5 years, and got weak in just a few days. That person will never love you (wake up), that person will never ever be able to be there for you (wake up), you're just a toy (wake up)...

Another wake up call huh? Damn fert! Damn!

Inilah akibat layan lagu Adele banyak sangat...Someone Like You, Lovesong, I won't Go, Don't You Remember...I got her entire album anyway...

So the big question is..How should things end in a never existing relationship?

You could never remain friends and pretend everything is just fine, you'll be in a deep pain so might as well end it now. That's my answer, to any of you out there..this is an official Fert's wake up call...Draw the line now before you inflict more pain to your fragile heart

You know you love me

Saturday, November 12, 2011

S5E04: Secrets

Don't just look at the picture..stare at it, there's more than just my fake smile, pale green grass and yea a "double meaning" wordings on my T.

*crack the code: location of picture taken, words on T, facial expression..these clues reflects a little about my secret

I have a secret.

It was 15 years ago...and yea another tragic incident the pass 5 years (Oh yea...not one but two..they're kinda related). But now, the pain is coming back....Every time I have a happy life, everything is just fine, plain and normal..the old fire will conflagrate again...I have to put myself together, because one faulty move/decision could throw my life in the same misery all over again. I have been dealing with it throughout my life..dats 15++years

What should you do, if you have a secret?
if you start sharing, then it'll not be a secret anymore
BURY 'em

Try burying em, that's the best thing to do. I suggest you deal with it, in personal with Him. He knows best. 
Well, of course it's impossible to handle it on your own; so you may look for the closest person in your life. Talk to 'em. I'm sure they'll care but it is advisable not to take the 'extra confident' route by telling everyone you know about your secret. Human minds and their perceptions are very complex; unexpected. That's what complicates our lives. 

Life is like a turning table. Gods permits temporary happiness before He puts you into another test and see how are you doing. Have you improved? Learned from the pass? and He is serious about it.

The struggle to look good, super infallible; really is difficult. 


Friday, October 28, 2011

S5E03: Exorbitant Bitch

Doc Fert Hunt Salvatore

I know I've went way out of line, not just once but for 15 consecutive years. The act, the gossips and the 'coffee' makes me sick with my life. Partly; what Gaga says could be true: born this way much huh? The mind boggling disease is parasitic and it's eating me from the inside. Pills? Been there done that. Crazy coffee ride? Been there done that. 

Now, exorbitant vixen? Nothing much to decipher here...gosh I'm pretty fucked up now (Listening to Norah Jones-Above Ground) lets talk about my I-WATCH-WHATEVA-SERIES-I-COULD moment....

1) Desperate Housewives Season 8 (Kiss Them Goodbye)

2) Body Of Proof Season 2

3) Modern Family Season 3

4) Vampire Diaries Season 3

5) That's So Raven Season 1

6) The State of Georgia

and yea my new Guilty Pleasure...ABC-Once Upon A Time (NEW)

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

S5E02: Malfunctioned Dreams

Am I an awesome leader? Yup..I know it's a big NO.
Frankly speaking, I'm in the malfunction state right, don't feel like spilling 'em out on Facebook anymore.
I have eyes watching, mouth talking and of course..gossips spreading. Bus probs in my University is like critical now, why can't they improve from time to time? My SRC their precious time living a normal life I bet. I have to tell em wat to do, then 'tada' they'll do it.

You know what Fert? You're dream to turn them into working machines will never come true. Your dream is to bring up the mentality to another level will never be true. Yes, you're having doubts now because of your shitty leadership. How are you gonna roll-up the few months left with an AWESOMENESS in your University?

You know what, I'm not happy at all that I have a bike. I just don't feel happy. Life's kinda fucked up now. Thank God I have Zaty with me and yea Yan. At least they're so freaking there for me la. I have to deal with lots of damages this semester. 

Tot about Megan Hunting myself..but I just have to be double the strong

Friday, September 9, 2011

S5E01: Dethroned

The beginning of the fifth season started like hell. We were supposed to be in Jeli but tada, still not there. Given the probs of slow response from the administration, ada pulak yang cakap:

MPP duduk mane? Kalau MPP duduk dalam aku tak puas hati!
You see, I'm really hurt by this statement. I've never thought of staying inside, at least we are hoping that they're concern with us working for their welfare. Privilege is vital, we need to work fast. So don't blame us if we're slow :(

Sunday, August 28, 2011

I was a Storyteller!

7 Years of my life, I spent on participating storytelling competitions, the first one was in the year 1999.My first ever experience telling a story in front of a huge crowd in the place we called 'Kantin Sekolah' :) I would love to dedicate this post to my eldest sister, my friend Sarah Sulaiman, my Ustaz, Mr. Fishon, Ms. Mariam Zulhijjah, Zharif Azfar, Mdm. Ravichandrika and Mr. Rizal. These are the people who were there throughout my journey in storytelling and here are the list of stories I've told throughout my 7 years!:-

1999-Harimau dan Tikus (Malay)
written by my eldest sister, Rohani
-this is my first story & my first win

2000-The Terrified Goat (English)
written by me, checked by Sarah Sulaiman Chng
-i ranked second in this competition

2002-Kisah Adam dan Hawa (Malay-Agama)
 written by my Ustaz
 -this story brought me to Pertandingan Bercerita Kisah2 Al-Quran (National Level)

2002-Harimau dan Tikus (Malay)
 written by me, improvised by Mr. Fishon
 -ranked second

2002-Batu Belah Batu Bertangkup (Malay)
 written by me, improvised by Mr. Fishon
-first win for the story I wrote myself
2003-The Wonderful Bag (English)
  taken from 1001 Arabian Nights Book
-well, no placing for me at all..I did badly on this one

2004-The Lion and The Mouse (English)
 written by me and Miss Mariam Zulhijjah
-my first win at MRSM Northern zone level and disqualified at Nationals because I sang?
2005-The Little Red Riding Hood (English)
 written by me and Miss Mariam Zulhijjah
-my second win at MRSM Northern Zone Level and ranked second at Nationals

2009-Happily Never After (English)
 written by me with help of Zharif Azfar, improvised by Mdm Ravichandrika
-won this one, was during Matriculation
2009-The Enchanted Voice box (English)
 written by me, improvised by Mdm. Ravichandrika & Mr. Rizal
-first time wining Nationals (Minggu Kreativiti dan Inovasi Matrikulasi 2009)

Thank You to my family, friends and of course my storytelling advisers. I would never ever forget you guys.

Friday, August 19, 2011

A Note to Allah The-Almighty

A question that'll I never stop asking throughout my a big 


18 Years...Ya Allah, 18 Years..I've been through the challenges and pains with You being there for me all the time. This morning when I woke up, had a very long anxious moment. Ya Allah, please don't test me with that challenge Ya Allah, I'll never be able to handle it. I couldn't remember vividly, what happened years back anymore maybe because I'm too happy with what I have now. Why do us humans never remember things? Why do I always forget what You told us to do? Ya Allah, in this wonderful fasting month, I beg to You, as a very weak servant of Yours..please...I couldn't handle it anymore.

Ya Allah, I love You very much. I know taubah is my only way now. Ya Allah, I hope it's not too late.


Tuesday, July 12, 2011


My previous post was in May. Now, it's already July 2011. I'm halfway through it.

Kiss today goodbye,
The sweetness and the sorrow.
Wish me luck, the same to you.
But I can't regret
What I did for love, what I did for love.
Look my eyes are dry.
The gift was ours to borrow.
It's as if we always knew,
And I won't forget what I did for love,
What I did for love.
Love is never gone.
As we travel on,
Love's what we'll remember.
Kiss today goodbye,
And point me t'ward tomorrow.
We did what we had to do.
Won't forget, can't regret
What I did for love

Sacrifice. I've been doing that a lot. My parents and siblings have been doing that a lot. At some point it hurts, but then it'll heal. But I just love being the one in pain. Fated to be this way.

Won't forget, can't regret
What I did for love

a few months away from my 5th Season in UMK

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Two Is Better Than One

Listen to the song while looking at the picture

I never thought it's gonna happen to me. Yes, I saw the written note..made with love~

~I post this with LOVE~

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Never Met A Girl Like You Before

I'm sorry for being in the middle of something everytime you called..

to be honest, sometimes I feel like wanna hug you tight and just be with you

Never met any girl like you so far..You are so positive and understanding

~Missin' You So Much~

Friday, May 20, 2011

Am I really the President that they want?

I was really hurt today by the act from my university's admin. Who ever is in charge of 
informing MPP that YB Muhyiddin Yassin will be coming to UMK Bachok Campus
to officiate the entrance road tomorrow. Who am I? Not the student President?

This really sucks...

Other Presidents are always busy at their Uni, welcoming our country leaders.

Maybe I have not given all out yet to make 'em proud!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

The Good ones...VERSUS...the Bad ones...

Results out...

Seriously, I'm grateful but if Mom ever finds out then it went down from the previous one,
I doomed. So better keep it concealed. Not telling Mama this time

The Good ones...
I finally let my heart fell for someone little by little
(hope she'll be the first lucky girl)

Sunday, May 15, 2011


It's awkward when both sides almost say it..or have said it..I'm not sure

is this my first time?

i guess so

Saturday, May 14, 2011

The "great" thing about being a GUY!

People says... (or Girls usually  says):

1. You are stinky!

2. You are lazy!

3. All you know is just eat and sleep!

4. You are a pervert!

5. Do not discriminate us!

Yea...these are some of the "great" things you get for being a in this world appreciate girls more than guys nowadays..Sometimes I wonder why?....hurmmm

the 4 words..

think about you, dream about you

feels like hugging you, kissing you

the 4 words?

still on it's way....haha 

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

I Need To Get The Hell Out Of Here!

First thing in the morning she complains non-stop...

"Record tak banyak lah, ambik sikit sangat lah"

Then next time don't ask me to become the pengapit or might as well hire a professional video guy. Seriously pissed off now, with workload from UMK n her whines. She complained when she was the one who told me "jangan ambil gambar orang banyak sangat"

-The Anger Stops here, next time I'll just ignore-

Monday, May 9, 2011

If He makes me choose....

Today is the longest journey in my life 
(filled with love, memories, challenges and lies)

Sis's Weds
It started with the best day of my sister's life+mom's whines+bored-to-death-friends-who-are-clueless-of-what-to-do

at Mr. Perv's
So here's the thing, after my sister's kenduri in Penang, we headed towards Taiping (Mr. Perv's House). Spent two nights there and hang around Taiping. Couldn't believe myself how much pain it cause once I'm back there. Well, hate to be born soft-hearted.

On Monday morning, everyone got ready to return to our homes. My three girls (Izzaty, Paa and Yan) went back with the train. I got in and sent Paa n Yan, while Acap and Opah sent Zaty. Before I could really-really bit farewell, the train was already moving and I had to jump off the train (feels like action hero at the moment). Then, it's just Me, Opah n Acap younger's sister and Acap. When I saw the train leaving, it hurts again but I tried bearing the pains (tak kan la nak nangis depan Opah Acap..haha). My brain never stops thinking, it goes on and on all the time (so if you saw me giving blank stares...yea I'm thinking). Later, Mr. Perv sent me to my MRSM Taiping. Well when he and Opah left...I'm sad again. The day becomes way worst when I met my be specific...English teachers...and this is what I found: 

MRSM Taiping 

My teachers said they talked about me every single year there in Taiping. These two boxes (my father made 'em for me) is what I left behind. The wooden briefcase and the mailbox was what I always used when I was the secretary of the English Motivational Committee. I told 'em can I have the briefcase back and they said no...that's what we have to think about you here. Then we talked and laughed about the old days......

and then....

it's time to return back home, called the cab but they said they were no cabs now. So I decided to walk til bukit larut because I'm sure there will be a cab there. As I left my school, my heart started breaking apart already and my mind was not thinking straight, I was sobbing and I couldn't stand having these feelings. Then a car stopped by and ask where am I going. The Mak Cik and her daughter was so nice to me, and then I said terminal bas; nak balik Penang. Then she said come on in, and yea..I got in. It was a little awkward but then I didn't feel like a stranger at all. She spoke to me, a lot. Then we stopped by to have a drink. I was alone with her daughter and I said "Saya segan la kak". And then she told me that's her mom and she's her only child. Damn..I cried deep inside my heart again....Once we're done she sent me to Terminal Bas Parit Buntar.

Parit Buntar Bus Terminal?
I cried again here, I was in MRSM Transkrian for three years and I spent my weekend with family and sometimes friends here.

Butterworth-Ferry Terminal
And yea, once I arrived here couldn't stop thinking about my life. So I decided to take a day off and strand myself around Tanjung Bungah area (on the hill, in the middle of nowhere). I took my time to deal with my feelings and then I realised it was already night. Almost I tried to stop a bus, but the stupid rapid Penang ignored me. So I walked, hoping I can get back home in time. I was so damn scared

The Taxi ride
After 15 minutes walking I managed to stop a taxi.
Me: "Uncle balik Free School berapa?"
Uncle Taxi: RM30 
Me: Ala..Uncle saya tak ada duit ni, tolong la saya, dah malam xde orang pun kat jalan ni..please uncle
Uncle Taxi: Haiya....ok lo...RM20 saja wa kasi lu...
Me: Thank you uncle, saya tengah susah hati ni. Thank you tau
Uncle taxi: Xpa lo, xde duit cakap wa bolei kasi tolong. Ini kawasan bahaya mlam-malam

Home Sweet Home
The Uncle sent me back home for RM20. It was okay, and he was nice. I came back home thinking about the journey I had today. WOW! Walking down memory lane really was a terrible pain in the ass. 

and then I pondered...

if He makes me choose...I would never give up my family, friends or even all these memories. The cries make me stronger each time. Let me be in pain, because when I'm in pain is the moment I have Him with me. Just trying to be honest, when we are happy with what we have we usually forget Him. 

Ya Allah, please protect me and my heart.

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