Monday, May 9, 2011

If He makes me choose....

Today is the longest journey in my life 
(filled with love, memories, challenges and lies)

Sis's Weds
It started with the best day of my sister's life+mom's whines+bored-to-death-friends-who-are-clueless-of-what-to-do

at Mr. Perv's
So here's the thing, after my sister's kenduri in Penang, we headed towards Taiping (Mr. Perv's House). Spent two nights there and hang around Taiping. Couldn't believe myself how much pain it cause once I'm back there. Well, hate to be born soft-hearted.

On Monday morning, everyone got ready to return to our homes. My three girls (Izzaty, Paa and Yan) went back with the train. I got in and sent Paa n Yan, while Acap and Opah sent Zaty. Before I could really-really bit farewell, the train was already moving and I had to jump off the train (feels like action hero at the moment). Then, it's just Me, Opah n Acap younger's sister and Acap. When I saw the train leaving, it hurts again but I tried bearing the pains (tak kan la nak nangis depan Opah Acap..haha). My brain never stops thinking, it goes on and on all the time (so if you saw me giving blank stares...yea I'm thinking). Later, Mr. Perv sent me to my MRSM Taiping. Well when he and Opah left...I'm sad again. The day becomes way worst when I met my be specific...English teachers...and this is what I found: 

MRSM Taiping 

My teachers said they talked about me every single year there in Taiping. These two boxes (my father made 'em for me) is what I left behind. The wooden briefcase and the mailbox was what I always used when I was the secretary of the English Motivational Committee. I told 'em can I have the briefcase back and they said no...that's what we have to think about you here. Then we talked and laughed about the old days......

and then....

it's time to return back home, called the cab but they said they were no cabs now. So I decided to walk til bukit larut because I'm sure there will be a cab there. As I left my school, my heart started breaking apart already and my mind was not thinking straight, I was sobbing and I couldn't stand having these feelings. Then a car stopped by and ask where am I going. The Mak Cik and her daughter was so nice to me, and then I said terminal bas; nak balik Penang. Then she said come on in, and yea..I got in. It was a little awkward but then I didn't feel like a stranger at all. She spoke to me, a lot. Then we stopped by to have a drink. I was alone with her daughter and I said "Saya segan la kak". And then she told me that's her mom and she's her only child. Damn..I cried deep inside my heart again....Once we're done she sent me to Terminal Bas Parit Buntar.

Parit Buntar Bus Terminal?
I cried again here, I was in MRSM Transkrian for three years and I spent my weekend with family and sometimes friends here.

Butterworth-Ferry Terminal
And yea, once I arrived here couldn't stop thinking about my life. So I decided to take a day off and strand myself around Tanjung Bungah area (on the hill, in the middle of nowhere). I took my time to deal with my feelings and then I realised it was already night. Almost I tried to stop a bus, but the stupid rapid Penang ignored me. So I walked, hoping I can get back home in time. I was so damn scared

The Taxi ride
After 15 minutes walking I managed to stop a taxi.
Me: "Uncle balik Free School berapa?"
Uncle Taxi: RM30 
Me: Ala..Uncle saya tak ada duit ni, tolong la saya, dah malam xde orang pun kat jalan ni..please uncle
Uncle Taxi: Haiya....ok lo...RM20 saja wa kasi lu...
Me: Thank you uncle, saya tengah susah hati ni. Thank you tau
Uncle taxi: Xpa lo, xde duit cakap wa bolei kasi tolong. Ini kawasan bahaya mlam-malam

Home Sweet Home
The Uncle sent me back home for RM20. It was okay, and he was nice. I came back home thinking about the journey I had today. WOW! Walking down memory lane really was a terrible pain in the ass. 

and then I pondered...

if He makes me choose...I would never give up my family, friends or even all these memories. The cries make me stronger each time. Let me be in pain, because when I'm in pain is the moment I have Him with me. Just trying to be honest, when we are happy with what we have we usually forget Him. 

Ya Allah, please protect me and my heart.


  1. sweetttt :) and seriously u tumpang strangers and pergi minum pulak tu?WOW

  2. This is sweet fert. very sweet..*pats :)


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